miércoles, 27 de febrero de 2008

I Constantly Thank God For The Sins

I woke up with a rare feeling… Thinking about the bank incident and wondering if that was real! I opened my eyes and cleaned them with a little scratch of my nail, but what I saw after that weird dream, was people! One girl next to me, a boy with a chick sleeping in the corner of that bedroom and two young women hugging each other in the floor!

I tried to get out as quickly as possible but I couldn’t find my clothes! My balls were exposed for five seconds and I had to take a pillow to cover my strangely tired penis! The fancy bedroom’s door opened and #30 appeared wearing his pants only. “Let’s go, dude! What a cool party! But I don’t wanna pay for the damages for the broken Jacuzzi! ” he said while he threw me my shirt and stuff.

The elevator took us to the first floor to escape from the four stars hotel. My mind didn’t work to well at that moment, so #30 explained everything to me. He told me about my “Great-Hero-Big-Bang-Sodom-Party”, he laughed at me about my chicken dance when I was drunk and threatened me with giving me a big punch if I couldn’t remember the “JC Chasez video” becoming true! Lol (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw6OqwU4wAs)

Instantly, when he said that, I started to revive every minute of it! Everything, from the dirty dancing and the tequila, to the dizzy karaoke and bed time! The biggest party in my life and I almost forgot it!

#30 hesitated about something but stopped and changed the subject with a special-girl conversation. “She’s great, doesn’t she?” he asked, I thought he was talking about last night’s blond but #21 was the main character. We met her yesterday and her curly brown hair remind me the wonderful heaven #54 used to talk about.

The day I met #21 I left a boy and an ugly girl before she moved her light hand to take that number from the library’s ticket machine. I made my method work and we began a three hour conversation! In fact, we went to a hamburger restaurant, finished our fast food and kept talking happily!

We both liked movies; the two of us enjoyed telling jokes about everything, she loved My Chemical Romance as much as I do and had all their CD’s! We had so much in common that she even liked girls! That’s fucked up!!!!!!!

I was so close to find my true love… #21 seemed to be the one but we both collected Carmen Electra’s naked photos…

Whatever, I still told her about my Great-Hero-Big-Bang-Sodom-Party and she decided to go when I allowed her to go with a girl friend.

“Finally, we have a lesbian friend! Now we’ll know how they replace a penis!” said #30 with a big pervert smile. I laughed and answered that I was going to see her again, the next day, so I could ask her if she wanted to… lol

#87 called me when I was driving my motorcycle. I waited to stop to phone her back and when I had arrived to the mall (were I was supposed to see #21), my sexy lawyer picked up her phone and notified me about a meeting in one week to discus my case.

I walked and talked with #87 until gaze #21, she had already bought the tickets to the movie. “Let me pay you those…” I said to the curly girl, but she just made a mad face! “Why do you have to pay!? Why can’t I invite you!? Is that because I’m a lesbian!?” she yelled! Oh, my God! That was so embarrassing that I had to do something! So, I pulled down her raised and angry arms to kiss her. She didn’t say anything and allowed me to do that, yes, for one second! She pushed me and screamed even louder! And I did the same! “Shut up! SHUT THE HELL UP! I JUST WANTED TO BE A NICE GUY! STOP THIS RIDICULOUS SCENE RIGHT NOW!” People around us kept silence and repugnant faces as if we were two crazy gorillas…

We decided to enter to the screen room where we would watch the movie. The story was quite funny, it wasn’t comedy but the special effects sucked! The main character was a thin space cowboy; he had a tall cowboy and a pretty lesbian as friends. “She’s you!” I said while laughing, “And those gay cowboys are you and your main dude! And I’m not kidding” she answered also smiling. I acted as if I was mad because I though she was making a joke but she really believed that!

-I’m not gay! - I reclaimed.

-I know that, but not for too long- she said and ate some pop corn.

-Why can you even think that!?-

-I saw how your boyfriend watched you last night while you were having sex with the blond girl; he desired to be there-

-Shut up! #30 is not gay!-

-#30!? What the hell is that!?-

-Long story… But I’m pretty sure he’s straight-

-Well, you can think that. I know how the rainbow-flag world is and I can detect gay dudes. #30 is homosexual and it’s not a bad thing for me, my personal point of view… You haven’t noticed about this, but he’s making you fall in love with him in a slow and intelligent way… I did that with my last girlfriend-

The silence caught me and I didn’t know what to say. Maybe #21 was right, maybe not, but something in the back of my mind told me she wasn’t lying… Why would she lie to me? Oh, God. Now I would have to end our friendship. Breaking up with a girlfriend is very easy, but break up with a boy!? Shit! That’s too gay!

martes, 12 de febrero de 2008

I Never Told You What I Do For A Date

My parents decided to move to their old house and let me keep the apartment. I don’t go to work anywhere but they’d send me some money each fifteen days to the bank, they also gave me a debit card that I had to pick up yesterday at the bank.

I parked my motorcycle outside the building and went through the metal detector machine, a beep sounded; I left my keys and some coins in a locker to enter.

The bank had lines in the floor to form a line, three open windows to attend people and fifteen chairs with four guys and nine girls using them. I was really surprised when I saw a ticket machine; it was next to the crystal door but I couldn’t practice my special method because I had no extra ticket. However, I reached to see a pretty girl in the second chair and a free space over the third one.

“Sorry. Could you tell me which number is in the electronic board?” I asked her, she had brown eyes, a short skirt, three years older than me and no bra. Her smile appeared before she said the actual number.

A conversation started between us, she seemed to be interested in me, and maybe that’s why she didn’t ignore me.

Her black hair was perfectly done; it shined as the moon and had an excellent sense of humor. She even made a joke about my socks and their different colours, we both laughed.

“#87” yelled one of the three boys in the cashiers. The girl from the second chair gave me a “nice-to-meet-you phrase” and walked directly to the first open window while I was writing a text message to #30 about how she turned her look a second to watch me.

A huge mirror in one of the walls showed me my pants zipper open while I was waiting for my best friend to answer! So, I downed my eyes a little moment to fix my exposing problem and raised my head, immediately, a reflection in the mirror painted a big guy with a gun entering through the broken glass door.

Take off my belt, whip the bad man’s pistol and aim him with his own gun! Yeah! That’s what Rambo would’ve done! Instead, I just fell to the floor as he told us to do! The big guy ordered the boys behind the windows to give the money to #87 and if one of them didn’t do it, he would shoot her!

The police received an alert call when the door smashed with the thief’s car. So, they were already coming when the big guy shoot a girl’s leg inside the bank that tried to escape. He got mad and broke the huge mirror with one hysterical shot!

“I need you to be faster, fuckers! FASTER!” he screamed when the last boy in the cashier gave a bag full of money to the crying #87. That was one of those moments in slow motion that make you feel like you need to do something quickly and force you to be brave!

I walked in total silence straight to the thief, a sharp piece of the broken mirror worked as a weapon and the big guy was giving me his back to accept #87’s money bag, I stroke a violent pose but #30 answered my message! A little beep made the guy turned his whole body with killing purposes and put his gun against my left eye! SHIT! I felt warm metal touching my skin! That was it! I was declared dead! Or that was what I would’ve normally thought but this time, the adrenaline invaded all my veins, my hands moved faster, the sharp piece of mirror slashed one finger and scratched another from the thief’s hand! One of the hosts picked up the pistol and aimed the big guy while the floor got lots of blood.

The police came with two ambulances. We all were interviewed when the thief was taken to jail’s hospital.

#87 gave a card with her phone number, she was a lawyer and she wanted to defend my case! She called me a “hero” and hugged me in a sexy thankful way. My happiness level went up to the top, just as my ego. I saved lives that day and I deserved to be an idol.

The news talked about the event until today and I will get a medal tomorrow. Also, #87 called me to go to dinner after the ceremony! I couldn’t believe what happened but I liked it, it was a cool story and I was the main character! What could be better than that?

viernes, 8 de febrero de 2008

There's Nothing Better Than Old Wine

Days without my babe, wasted months looking for someone wasted... I wished I could manipulate time and go back a few days...

My hands were tired, my special photo became old but my love was the same. Sadly, I got sick of my satisfaction game...

I remember the night when I got drunk with a fancy bottle of my grandfather's old wine. My dreams drove me to a wonderful moment and #54 raised her hand and said she was present.

I opened my eyes and she was next to me, I was not alone in my bed. A glorious dream where didn't matter if I looked bad, if I didn't shave or if she didn't wash her teeth. We were together again! #54 had a great smile but I put her photo on her face after we had a great night.

We drank more of my old wine bottle, the food was excellent and the sex like never before because, this time, I made it with love. That day my place at college was empty, my teacher felt tranquility but I enjoyed twice of happiness than he did.

I bought her a dress; my wallet had no limits in dreams. My house was the same but I saw it prettier 'cause she was waiting for me inside. Finally, I had a reason to arrive home earlier.

The girl talked to me every second and I tried to wake up. Thinking about #54 alive made me crazy but I couldn't wake up from that dream! I was real! She was on my bed and a coffin in the mausoleum was empty!

My room started to call the flies and the bad smell woke me up from an awful illusion! I had a corpse in my house, worms in my bed and a used condom in the floor.

I had a much fucked up mind! My psychologist would pay his kid's college with me! I was pretty insane but I had to get the hell out that purple and teeth less body from my bedroom! So, I put that thing in my car and destroyed the mausoleum's door again with the corrupt security-guy's help. He "thought" I worked in medicine school since I offered him my gold ring.

I felt rejected by myself before cleaning the vomit spot from the pillow. I changed the sheets and made shreds out of #54's photo! I didn't want to know more about that girl anymore and gave away all of my old wine!

I got sick the next two days and never told #30 what really happened. He assumed I had diarrhea because of the smell!

When I went to college again, I was prepared to date real girls again! My promise about dating chicks without mechanical help had to be broken quickly! The damn ticket machine won! I did need my red-metal friend... However, I was not ashamed about that! Besides, nobody knew about my effective method to meet girls! This is my reborn, my return! The library stud is ALIVE!

jueves, 7 de febrero de 2008

The Library Stud Is Dead

Ten minutes after I talked to #30 in the library, he introduced me to his blue-eyed classmate, she wasn’t his friend but he enjoyed to think she was, anyway.

I sat down next to her, so I could smell her hair. “Pretty Flower Hair” I said, she gave me a strange face to ask me “What?” and I repeated the same thing. The pretty girl closed and opened her blue eyes slowly, looked at me and answers “I just met you and you are talking to me about my shampoo? Dude, you’re such a loser…” next, she gave me a smirk and changed her place.

I couldn’t move for 5 minutes! Never in my life, anybody, had threaded me that way! I was so humiliated! Then, #30 came where she was and announced he had a girlfriend, after that, I felt a death wish going through my spine.

I never had an addiction, drugs were not my thing, but the ticket machine became my nicotine. My red-metal friend was a double pass to heaven and hell.

Once you start using something you like, it will be very difficult to forget it! But I wanted to probe myself that I could hang out with chicks again with no machines help.

After one week trying to meet girls without going to the library, I just found #54’s photo inside my pillow and broke my promise…

Desperate and almost transforming into a lunatic guy, my depression had my body without exercise and sadly alone. However, #30 still went to my place and talked to me at class. He became my friend, my best friend. I gave him some advices to change his style and he did everything as I said. #30 left the old nerd he was in the past and broke up with his girlfriend to start a relationship with the blue-eyed girl! It was extremely cool!

He convinced his chick to go to the movies the last Sunday; she even invited one of her girl friends. We had an incredible day and the blue-eyed girl didn’t smirk to me again, in fact, that’s because she laughed to tears when her pretty friend smirked to me…

I’m still single and still don’t want to use the ticket machine. I have to re-learn how to date girls with no mechanical help. It’s going to be hard, ‘cause once you start loving someone, it’s very difficult to forget her… Maybe that’s why I can’t stop using #54’s photo… I miss you…

lunes, 4 de febrero de 2008

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Me In College

This is so weird right now. My times with the ticket machine have been nice, but I can’t believe everything that happened since then! I mean, two girls are dead! I have to stop doing that! Waste my free minutes between classes, going to the library to take a little ticket and receive in change two corpses…! WOW! That’s not my idea of cool dates…

What the hell…! I’ll do it until I’ve found my true love! What a pussy comment…

The only thing I got to eliminate is my malice and lust for girls. One chick at a time to avoid the psycho behaviour will help, please.

Once having this self-conversation done, I could continue with my secret ritual: 1- Take out yesterday’s ticket, 2- Wait a few people to finish their copies and 3- Make magic. What magic? There was no fucking magic for me that day! The wizard was not in my personality that afternoon! I checked my number and the red electronic board showed the #30, which was quite right! But the freaking nerd with that same number wasn’t!

I didn’t expect that! What a twist! I needed to fix what was bothering my stud-style way to meet girls. So, I pushed an old woman and had no nerd to tackle because he was on my possible-new-ticket-girlfriend’s place! “Who are you?” I said with my hair brows showing a violent gesture, the guy answer me with a scared voice that it didn’t matter if I took his place if I would left him alone. That was the second time that someone in the library let me use my ticket first but I wouldn’t allow more dead people! So, I raised my head in sign of peace and permission to make him understand that everything was OK and he would have his copies first.

The nerd freed a big smile that I didn’t follow; I just wanted my number to be used with a girl. In fact, I went out the library with no copies for me and my recyclable #30 ticket. The next day would be a nice one to use that number, the end of the month was coming and I scored a 30 at History, everything pointed to that number, something huge was about to happen.

I left the building to accelerate the waiting and see the morning sooner. The computer made me stay awake for three long hours, finishing the History extra-point homework and checking my web profiles to keep a strong friendship with mostly people I won’t ever meet beyond fourteen photos, their favourite songs and long funny chats.

The World Wide Web it’s a great place to lie, live in, “meet” girls and touch your genitals in front of a camera. A person met another last night through the WWW and the next day the fucking paedophile dude raped the fifteen year old princess. I will never do that, I just accept people as “friends” to become popular somewhere and if you add me I’ll give you the greatest welcome ever!

Two hundred minutes to sleep, teeth wash, a coffee and poop quickly. That’s my secret recipe for a cool new day and it was done. My journey to college had begun. I forgot to print my History homework and my mom didn’t know (until then) how to send an e-mail! My extra points were as doomed as #93’s virginity, however, there was one last chance to save them and the library had the answer!

I had a dèja-vu while walked straight to the library-girl, a little skinny image made me wake up and it also complaint! The freaking #30 was by my side again! He was wearing the same old fucking smile he had yesterday; also a new haircut that revealed how far can anyone go in a desperate way to use a cool hairstyle but don’t have what it takes to have it.

“Thank you for a… add… adding me last night” those were his first words to dare to say before me. I just laughed while I told him how impossible that was; I checked my web profile and didn’t add a crappy boy like him! Unless he… Oh, my God! Damn you people with drawings instead of photos in their profiles! Damn you!

Four seconds were enough to put ninety nine offences in my mind to tell him, but (because it will always be a “but”) the nerd had the copies I needed in his loser hands!

History wasn’t an interesting class for me; even sleeping was an option during that class! Maybe that was the reason for me to have never seen that thin and smart guy behind me!

“Do you need these copies?” he asked with a funny nasal voice, off course I accept that I wanted those copies so badly! My score depended on them! I acted like he was my hero and my new idol, shacked one of his shoulders to show my approval and got really surprised when the situation turned even better! Those pink and perfumed pages weren’t his homework!

The chick with the hottest blue eyes in the university wrote every single word directly from her hands to those holy papers and sends her stupid pet to buy a folder for them! Since the moment I knew that I would do anything to become #30 from an idiotic slime into my best friend. With his help, I will have a new girlfriend and A as my never seen score in all of my future homework!

You’re my best friend, #30! It was true: that’s a lucky number! Take care and don’t go out! I don’t want you to catch a cold! See you in class and don’t forget to introduce me to your sexy master!