martes, 19 de agosto de 2008

There Is Nothing You Can Do That I Have Not Already Done To Myself

Last night someone dared to call me a liar, she refused to believe me and I couldn’t tell her how angry, stupid and funny misunderstanding was going on.

I did what I always do after the blue-eyed girl’s funeral: I tried to stay calmed to get my thoughts clear and say the perfect phrase.

I love it when you think you’re right and I don’t say a word, even knowing you’re wrong. It’s funnier to let you act like a cocky Wiseman than repeat how idiot you are again! It gives a whole new meaning to “humbleness”.

#47 was so mad at me… And she had no reason at all. She can’t see we’re not having a serious relationship… We’re just having a good time together (and by that I don’t mean we are having sex. She never wants!) and be good friends. We’ve made out a couple times, true, but I’m not her boyfriend.

She thinks I love her, when I just like her. I’m not of those guys who enjoy being chained to a woman, walking all day long together and sending cute text messages to each other. I’m the Library Stud. I’m better than that, I number women to choose witch of them are the hottest.

Anyway, I met #97 a couple weeks ago at the library; she has red curly hair, cool sense of humor and she is a great physical therapy student. The Ticket Machine gave me an almost perfect number that I had to check out and verify if her skills were good enough for my standards.

After five sessions and three dates, this new girl fell in love with me. She said I was handsome, funny, and sexy and all those nice things we all already know. When I noticed those stupid eyes accompanied with a silly lovely voice, I decided to tell her the truth.

“Here’s the thing… I like you, I really like you. But not in the same way you like me…” I told her with an unsure gesture on my face. I was pretty secure about what I was doing: preparing her to know we’d never get to a second level in a relationship, but when I saw her sad and desperate eyes my soul was touched!

“I really like you…. But… not in the same way you like me… because… I… love you! YES! That’s reason! I Love you more than myself! Well, not so much… But I love you!” I assured, even knowing I was going to regret it, I lied!

I hate when I can’t say “no”, that’s the reason why accept those few cigarettes from #30 and #07. “Pity” is a great feeling to help people. I just think I can help my friends by giving them always what they expect from me. I wish I could erase that imperfection.

However, I went to #47’s house. She was cleaning the living room, moving the furniture to take off the dust and forgetting she was cooking the dinner she promised me.

“Excuse for make you wait outside! My food was about to get burnt… Come in!” she said while she opened her main door.

“Don’t worry. All good things come to those who can wait” I replied with a happy voice. I love to see her smiling when I quote some movie phrase.

She went straight to the kitchen; I sat down in the couch to watch TV, a movie or anything instead of what I looked by my side one second after.

“Who is this guy, Honey?” I asked.

“What guy?” she answered as she approached.

“The owner of this ID. Who is he? I think I met him at college once… Maybe in other place… Well, is he friend of yours?”

Rarely, she got nervous and snatched the small white card I was holding. She told me he was #85’s brother. We quickly changed the subject and moved to the table. The dinner was very good; definitely #47’s cuisine is one of her better qualities.

We went to her bedroom to talk and, eventually, she suggested me to give her a massage. I’m too smart for this gray-eyed girl… She thought I would think she wanted to have sex, but I know her pretty well, so, I told her I would first.

She accepted the deal and took my shirt off, what I didn’t expect were those scratches #97 left the day before! And of course #47 started screaming, insulting and questioning who did that to me. She totally forgot we weren’t having a serious relationship!

“I don’t know you make so much drama about it! I didn’t say anything about that ID I found on the sofa!” I argued.

“That’s different! He’s not my friend and he won’t come again!” she yelled.

“And, how am I supposed to know you’re saying the truth!?”

“OK, now you’re the victim…! Well, as I’m the evil girl here. I’ll kick your ass if you don’t get out of my house in five seconds!”



“I’ll call you later then”


Just like that, #47 decided to take a break from our no-relationship, leaving me in the street with my scratches and my shirtless body…

It was late and cold, traveling half naked to my home in my motorcycle would be suicide! So, I called #30 to ask him if I could borrow one of his shirts. He lives near the gray-eyed girl’s house and I could arrive fast.

“Dude, you’re crazy!” my friend joked about my disgrace as he smoked, forming strange smog clouds. In fact, he laughed so hard that he spited enough saliva to extinguish his cigar!

I narrated him exactly what happened, every little detail and #30 got the best idea ever! We turned on #07’s computer while he was sleeping, to google the name printed in the ID from #47’s sofa! So we can know who that barely familiar guy is. I could use that information to blame the gray-eyed girl as the first cheater!

Thousands of images, web sites and news about that guy appeared in the screen. The man resulted to be famous, very famous. Plus, the police, the Red Cross and his family have been looking for him for more than a year!

“His friends and relatives expressed that he had been threaten several times by this man (watch photo above), but the lack of proofs prevent the authorities from accuse him for murder or kidnapping.

However, he was arrested until the primal investigations have been completed, affirmed one of the cops in charge of the case.” #30 read surprised from an article.

“Is that man from the photo--?”

“Yes, he’s #07” he interrupted me.

We couldn’t believe it; my friend’s cellmate said he was innocent. So, who killed the man from the ID? What was that ID doing on #47’s furniture? I phoned her but she didn’t answer.

“What do you think? Should we tell this to #07?” #30 asked me with that look of insecurity I had never seen on his eyes before.

“Not yet. I have to know the other side of the story. I’ll go to that girl’s house in the morning. We have to clear what happened... To be sure before calling… the police?”

“I guess… It’s not fair that #07 have gone to jail for a crime he didn’t commit. I know how that feels. We have to talk with her” he answered, and I agreed.

The clock marked the 2:03am. I decided to drink a few beers, maybe six, with my friend, also three, four or five cigars; we really needed alcohol after that shocking news.

I fell drunk on a bed. I dreamt I couldn’t sleep and when I finally closed my eyes I dreamed another thing about #85 and #47, holding loaded guns and aiming at me! I wanted to wake up but it was impossible! Shadows of many girls surrounded me, yelling in their thoughts and going through my head, as thousands of raindrops were launched from the thundering gray sky, but those weren’t wet, they were heavy, thin, and white and each one had a different number. One by one, the tickets got together to form a great sea were my body was going to sink. I fought, but it wasn’t enough… I let my body sink as a rock thrown in a lake, while lightning rays touched the paper waters, making them burn, melting my eyes and giving reasons to think about bullets, pistols and suicide as a better destiny than suffer that hell… But that wasn’t an option, and it wouldn’t matter if I’d had a gun, it was a dream, and dreams can’t be killed with bullets or poisoned with the deathlier venom… I was the only one able to save my soul and I couldn’t… The colors had faded away and the air was painful to breathe…

The sunlight is capable of frighten all of your fears, no matter how many nightmares you had before waking up, it’s always a blessing to see how the dark hides under your bed when the rays pass through the windows.

It’s a shame #30 had curtains in his bedroom… I had to wake up by myself. However, I was glad to be alive.

I heard once that God can speak his mind in many ways, maybe He warned me about how I live and what is waiting for me if I keep practicing this lifestyle… There are lots of things about me that have to change, but it’s so hard to avoid what you think is correct, and so painful to leave what you love, that makes me hesitate about taking that step… I wish it was easier…

But… What the hell! I cannot loose anything if I give it a try. I can do it well. I’m going to try it! I am ready to walk that step, and ask for #47’s forgiveness will be the perfect beginning. I’ll talk about the man in the ID later, when the storm have vanished from our non-relationship.