miércoles, 16 de julio de 2008

Have You Heard The News That You’re Dead?

Memories, visions, future and present. What’s time, anyway? Time tells me its 8:14pm. But, is it a place? Is it what happened? Is it a choice? Well, I can’t answer that. ‘Cause all I know about it is that I don’t have it. Time is dead to me… or am I whose life has been banished?

“Wh… at--What do you Th--ink?” some woman said, I couldn’t see her, rarely, my eyes were closed and I was lying down on the floor.

Then, a second feminine voice talked: “I don’t see any injuries… Maybe she was poisoned, like me”.

When I listened those last words my body started to move and a third woman approached: “You two, what are you watching? Who’s this little girl? Wake up, baby, how are you? Ignoring you’re dead… Right… Girl?”

The light came to me and I saw clouds, lots of them! An angel flew over me and I realize those strange ladies were correct! I was in Heaven!

One of the girls had a nice figure, odd wet clothes, wore dark sunglasses and talked weird because she had no tongue! The other chick seem pretty normal, she was dressed with an orange uniform; and the last one had beautiful blue eyes, if it weren’t for the huge hole she had in her head, she’d be the sexiest one!

“Why did I die!?” I asked while I got up from the white cotton floor.

“Relax, you’ll remember in a few minutes. The same thing happened to me. Hi, my name is #54” said the girl with the orange outfit.

“#54? A number?” I questioned.
The chick explained their uncommon nicknames; she also spoke about the reason why we were together: “We’re all here because of him. Look down, there! That boy in the library!” she exclaimed after creating a little circle in our gigantic cloud.

#93 tried to tell me something but she gave up when those spiting noises appeared… So, the girl with blue eyes (and a healthy tongue) cleared me up about the whole situation! The guy in front of the ticket machine led them straight to their death! My new friends didn’t do anything bad; in life, they were good with him! In fact, he was the villain in their stories!

“Now… You’re saying I’m here and it’s his entire fault?” I commented.
#54 continued the conversation: “I don’t know if he killed you or something, but I’m sure he’s involved in your sad ending… I bet you believed his stupid lies to steal your virginity too”

“Wow! Stop right now!” I replied! “You all slept with him!? How did you get to Heaven!?”

“Hey! I didn’t do that! Well… I did it… But with one of his friends!” confessed the blue eyed girl.

“Not even having sex with the Pope would give you a free pass to Heaven!”

“It hap—happens that Th-the Mormons were right!” said #93 in a very happy way because she could say something “We a-are in the Terrestrial King-Kingdom…! We ha-have a second chance to s-save our souls!”

I ignored that Mormon-thing, it was too bizarre! And I really wanted to know who I was and how I died! So, we kept watching the boy from the ticket machine to check if he really meets girls at the library to murder them after having sex with them!

“Look! He’s talking to that chick!” I manifested with joy, but #54 told me he could never pick her because that one was a lesbian and his friend! Anyway, she whispered something at him before left him alone; I think she was confused due to some problem… Her face wasn’t happy or sad, simply confused. Mmm… That feeling comes to my mind every once in a while. Would I be confused before dying? Why?

Minutes later, a girl from the library took a ticket that presented her “our guy”. She would be known as #76, she was ugly! Her eyes were too distant from each other! Then, we found out he just wanted someone easy to seduce in change of doing his homework!

Every time I thought he was going to make a good action, he did the opposite! He was selfish, stupid, but, God, so handsome… How could any woman suppose he would manipulate her!? He’s like cancer but worse! I’m starting to think he fooled me with a fake love promise and I believed him with my whole life.

It’s hard to think he has friends, he called one of them, she came quickly; according to the blue eyed corpse, that’s called #47, I loved how she was dressed with many colors that matched with her gray eyes! She deserves a better man!

“What’s that smell?” I asked.

“We’re d-dead, remember-r-r? That’s h-how r-rotten organs smell” replied #93 while she lifted her sunglasses to show me she had no eyes but lots of little green worms!

“Gross! Even though you’re right, that’s not what’s stinking… Is… IS”

And I fell on the floor, convulsing and scared because I remembered what happened to me three years ago. The guy from the library was related to me, but not with my death, he just had #85 as a friend, who suddenly appeared to launch with the other two.

Yes, the innocent handicap girl, I met her when she had both legs, could walk and even jump. In fact, we were classmates in that far high school.

She was a cheerleader and I wanted to be one. So, every morning I had to phone to wake her up, I bought her expensive skirts, belts or shirts in the weekends, and wrote every word the teacher pronounced because I had to create excellent summaries for her to study.

I gave my soul to become what my idol was, but instead of helping me, she pushed me away when she could. No matter how much effort I put on something, she had the talent to see the tiniest imperfection and let me know how great she would have done that.

One day, after a long night doing her homework and subsequently a little text message telling me she won’t go to classes, I took the new diamond belt I was going to give her, checked the big wood pieces in my room’s roof, and hanged myself…

“Dear Family:

I know you hate me for doing this, but not even God could help me to handle EVERYTHING…

Brother, I think you’re the only one who loves me… I hope you don’t forget me, ‘cause I will always have you in my heart. School is as bad as you described it, but Church wasn't any superior and I’m not strong as you are… Sorry… but there’s no reason to keep on living if I walk this world alone with a cheerleader who destroys the little things I like…

I wasn’t the daughter you needed. Mom, hope you get pregnant soon to replace me with the little boy you always wanted to raise.

Dad, I don't even know what to tell you... Things will be better if say "So long and good night" forever. I'm really sorry for letting you down.

Good bye, brother…”

Those were my famous last words… I wrote them behind #85’s homework… I guess she never got to read them, at least she had an accident. That makes me kind of happy. Karma does exist!

Someday, that damn cheerleader will die and the dead girls and I are going to make her have a hell of an eternity! Yeah!

jueves, 3 de julio de 2008

I lost my fear of falling; I'm taking back the life you stole

I’m the kind of person who likes to look for many opinions about some situation. I like to think about myself as some of those people who do things right. And I’m happy with that, because I do what many people would do in my place. But this time… This time I’m regretting what I did.

I don’t know why I started dating #30… Maybe my time with girls was over… Or I just felt to do it… Even the foulest idiot knows that I don’t like guys… But this battle was lost against one.

Love wasn’t the reason and he wasn’t my type… I mean, I’m a lesbian… Men have swinging organs I really don’t need to have my “happy hour”.

The last time I spent a night with one was years ago. He had a Greek God’s body, great skin than mine and an excellent lexicon! He used words so easily that he convinced me to drink five martinis, even knowing my top were three. That was a hell of a night and I’d prefer not to talk about the next day!

Anyway, having #30 as my boyfriend is quite annoying. He treats me like the little girl I’m not, buys me lovely princess clothes and forgets to leak my clitoris when we have sex.

Girls are way better than dudes. They know how to tell you the truth without being cocky, they touch you and, when you never expect it, you become a new person. They make you realize you’re not alone, they smile when you say jokes, they surprise you with the little things they do, they give you the hug you need and they dare to talk to you. Women are life, they are the reason why you’re here and they are the motive of your happiness.

Sincerely, why God created men first? To make them think they are bigger than we are? Because that’s the only reason I could forgive that to the Lord: “To make them THINK they are bigger than we are”.

We, girls, are stronger than boys.

Honestly, I don’t know how I let my feelings drove me to this… I don’t like guys… They are liars; they talk crap and say the nicest things to poison your body with martinis. Then, the next day you wake up in the beach… Feeling the sun burning your naked body and blood coming out from your cavities… You don’t know how many times they rapped you or how many people touched you while you were drunk… Not even one girl would do that to me.

#30 was just cool as a friend, now I’m sick of him. I have to break up with him, but the hardest part of this is destroying his heart… And that was what I wanted to repair in the first place.

He was alone, his ex girlfriend committed suicide in his own bedroom and he wasted two months of his life! Just because of me! How couldn’t I feel guilty!? The blue eyed girl pulled the trigger because I pushed her too much! She was desperate! She was going to have a child, she was kick out of her house and I just wanted her to tell the world she was lesbian!

I was so selfish… God knows I only wanted someone to share my life with… Maybe she was the wrong person… I shouldn’t steal my friend’s girlfriend…

Now I’m just faking everything in my way… I’m not the happy and funny girl I used to be. I walk different, I speak about stuff I never did and I’m dating with the genre I swore never hang out!

How can you take a bad choice without asking someone else!? I regret this situation so much!

If I don’t do something quickly I could end up like my ex. I have to come back from the dead! I'm taking back the life you stole!

After three hours, I got an idea. #30 and I were going to pick up his friend from jail, the one who won a parole. We weren’t in my house or his car, jail was a neutral place and he would have a friend to help him in his sadness.

“I don’t love you” he said while we where waiting outside the building!

“What!?” I replied with anger because I was going to break up with him first!

“You’re different… You’re not that sweet girl who visited me here.”

“I am what I am!”

“Yeah, but not what you used to be. You act like someone else. I don’t love you. Not anymore.”

“You knew it, right? You knew I was going to end this relationship once and for all!”

He walked a couple steps with silence. My blood was moving like never before. Then, #30 took out from his car the calendar I gave him for our anniversary; he proceeded to open it and showed to me.

“Why would you do this photo shoot if you're supposedly straight?” he questioned while he pointed the calendar

“You’re a guy! Any dude in this world would give anything to have a girlfriend who gives him a calendar with her naked body on it!” I argued

“Yeah! But when the world knew you as a lesbian, it’s really hard for me to think that you are heterosexual when you give me a book full of pictures with you and other girls making out. You’re still a lesbian and I don’t know why we began dating. Why did you lie to me!?”

“Because I wanted to clean the mess I made.”

“What? What are you saying?” he asked confused.

“I was… She did that because… I was…”

#30 got quite mad when I started hesitating, he didn’t know what I was going to confess but he felt he wasn’t prepared. He grabbed my arms, shacked me to pull the truth out off me and he really did it!

“Your dead girlfriend cheated on you with ME!”

The calendar fell on the floor.

“I visited you at jail ‘cause I felt guilty. You were there because of me… And I’m sorry about that but--”

“Shut up.” he interrupted me.

“I’m sorry…”

“I don’t want to see you anymore… We… We’re over. I’m done with you.” He said while he left me alone in front of the building.

So, I walk to the next bus station and the last thing I remember about him is that bad look he gave me while he and his friend from jail passed with his car in front of me. Everything wasn’t like I planed it… But I think… I’m free. I can be myself again…